redbirdbrain

This morning, about 7:28 am. I was just about to leave and go to work when my Astros fan roommate wandered into the kitchen.

Astros fan: (sleepily walks in).
Me: Go away! I HATE YOU!
Astros fan: (still drowsy) No you don’t.
Me: Yes, I do! Forget it, I’m not speaking to you.
Astros fan: What? Why? What’d I do?
Me: I don’t want to talk about it. I have to go to work.
Astros fan: (realization dawning) Wait a second. Does this have something to do with the Cardinals?
Me: I’m not speaking to you! I hate Larry Biggio!
Astros fan: I LOVE LARRY BIGGIO!
Me: (stomps out the door)

Now, all is well now as Sooooooooo Taguchi salvaged the series in the 11th. (Man, productivity at work during a day game is difficult enough. But when there’s a tense game like today it’s nearly impossible!). But I must say that last night’s loss is made me crankier than a loss in May has any right to do. (Yes, there was pillow-punching involved.) So frustrating. And against the Astros! Grrrr…

This, I think, is the sign of a healthy rivalry.

Sigh. Neither Tony La Russa nor I was voted this year's sexiest vegetarian. Obviously, the contest must be rigged.

So: I’ve decided to create a drinking game for the Giants series. Like everything else on this site, it is lame. So I’d appreciate any additions in the comments (speaking of which, due to spam your comment may take a few minutes before appearing)! For now:

Take a sip if:

• Jason Marquis gets a hit
• Yadier Molina guns down a runner
• Mike Matheny guns down a runner
• Tony La Russa makes more than 1 pitching change during an inning
• The announcers discuss Scott Spezio’s chin-thingy (if TV)
• Mike Shannon tries to sell you on the Prime Seat Club (if you’re listening to the radio)
• Scott Rolen looks adorable
• David Eckstein does something scrappy (i.e., gets an infield hit)
• Jim Edmonds does something showboaty
• Albert Pujols does something heroic
• A Cardinals pitcher strikes out the side
• Barry Bonds strikes out
• A ball is hit into McCovey’s Cove
• The 2002 NLCS is mentioned

Chug several gulps if:

• Izzy loads the bases
• You find yourself thinking, “Man, it’s late. I’ve gotta get to bed.”
• Pujols makes Barry Bonds look like a pathetic cheater (use your discretion here)
• A Cardinal hits a home run against Matt Morris
• A Cardinal hits a home run against Steve Kline
• A Cardinal hits a home run against Jamey Wright (although – who really cares about him? Maybe just take a sip here?)
• The benches clear (Well, Felipe Alou did say that was going to happen soon)

Drown yourself in your beer if:

• Bonds hits #715
• The Cardinals lose three
• A Redbird gets injured

Notice the page off to the side about New York Cardinals fans getting together, everyone? If not, well… Now you do. Sign up for the mailing list and shut up about it. At least we’re not as frighteningly well-organized as Red Sox fans. That would be REALLY geeky.

In other news, last night a dear friend came over for dinner, and I annoyed everyone in the house (my friend Cris, plus my two roommates) by insisting that we watch the end of the game. The Canadian, in particular, kept saying, “I love you, but this is SO BORING! Can’t we watch Sex and the City? Why are you Americans so obsessed with baseball? It’s the most boring sport ever, and you guys are completely insane about it…” (Et cetera. You get the picture.)

Now, may I mention that the Canadian’s BROTHER was one of the psychotic Blue Jays fans I debated with awhile back. Her brother, A CANADIAN I might add, traveled to New York and Boston just to see the Jays. So I don’t know what she’s on when she tries to mock Americans for their fervor.

Speaking of debates, a brief update. I went to the Saturday Night Live afterparty this weekend, which is actually a lot lamer than you’d think. The benefit was that I spent the whole time debating about baseball. I’ve got two more teams crossed off my list (Phillies and Angels). I know I had more fights than that, but the blasted alcohol I drank has blurred my memory. I’m pretty sure I argued with an SNL cast member about the Royals, though. The fact that I can’t really remember who it was, or whether it was a 2-minute rant or a half-hour debate makes me wonder whether or not I should cross the Royals off my list. Opinions?

Oh wait. I was going to talk about baseball. Well, Izzy certainly outdid himself last night, didn’t he? What a beautiful pitching performance on his and Mulder’s parts! Actually, the point of this post is to analyze the ninth inning in-depth. The win percentages, Mulder and Izzy’s pitch speed and location, the relative importance of… Oh my gosh! Look at the time! I have turn on today’s game! Better go!

So Google apparently has this new thing called Google Trends where you can find out about volume and location of hits on a particular subject.

Naturally, I picked the word Cardinals first. It surprised me that the city with the most Cardinal hits is apparently Springfield, not St. Louis. As expected, generally the interest spikes around playoff time (or when the pope dies and the College of Cardinals elect a new one), but otherwise holds pretty steady. Surprising that it doesn’t dip much during the offseason, isn’t it? The chart is below…

Googling St. Louis Cardinals, on the other hand, shows a huge peak in October 2004 for the World Series. Apparently, there were more googles this past April (about the new stadium, I guess) than there were October 2005 during the NLCS. Though it’s pretty close.

Busch stadium googles have gone off the charts in the last month or so.

I also did a search on Albert Pujols - and you should check out the spike in interest popping up on a certain day in October, 2005. Hmm, I wonder which day that was (I’m guessing around October 17th? Possibly?) Not even winning the MVP comes close to that. Chris Carpenter, on the other hand, reached his highest point right after winning the Cy Young. I’d attach the chart, but I’ve gotten lazy. Go look it up your own damn selves.

Also, the Dominicans just love their Albert (and with good reason, I say)! Go Dominicans!

The Jim Edmonds chart is a long, slow descent, as is Scott Rolen’s. Very odd-looking, actually, in comparison. David Eckstein’s chart looks like a wide N, which doesn’t completely fit into his personality. I would expect something sneakily and slowly rising. Or jumping around. Or something.

Apparently, there weren’t enough hits for TLR or Yadier Molina to gather data, but that’s not the case with Bob Gibson or Stan the Man, who do quite well.

This is going to ruin the whole day’s productivity, isn’t it?

So Danyah was kind enough to point out that in my drunken attempt to name a whole bunch of Astros awhile back, I went ahead and called Jeff Bagwell “Larry Effing Bagwell”.

Oh dear. Did I really do that? Man, I REALLY should not be allowed to have a blog, should I? I would say it was because I had Larry Bigbie floating around in my brain, but I don’t even think that trade had been made at the time.

So, obviously, I’m just going to have to annoy Danyah even MORE and call all the Astros “Larry” for awhile. Nothing like covering up your idiocy and obliviousness by pouring even more stupidity and ridiculousness on top of it. This blog needs some controversy, anyway.

Larry it is!

I spent the night at the theatre, but had been keeping up with the game via text messages on my celly. (Thanks Fritz!)

I finally got home and walked in the door, and — DAMMIT! My roommate was watching a movie. But last night he made me change channels to that stupid David Blaine thing when I had the game on, so I felt no hesitation in tugging the remote out of his hands “just to check the score, REALLY FAST, ok?”

Anyway, I flipped to channel 647 (Fox Sports Midwest, baby!) and Pujols was walking up to bat in the eighth inning. Two on, no out. Cards down 2-1. Well, obviously I had to watch this. “Just this one at-bat, and then you can watch your movie, ok?” (My roommate was obviously still feeling guilty for the Blaine thing, as he didn’t complain.)

And we all know what happened next. We all knew what happened next before it even happened. And I started jumping around, and my roommate said: “You’re right. He’s unbelievable.” Twenty seconds later my phone was buzzing and Bet and I were squealing about how unreal this guy is (”He’s Hercules!”).

Can you believe he’s that good? And WE’VE GOT HIM?

Dammit! I hate it when my social life interferes with baseball. I missed most of this weekend’s action in the name of “friends” and “living life”. Bah! Having fun gives me hangovers. I’d rather watch TV.

On the other hand…

Because I wasn’t at home watching baseball games by myself, I managed to knock off two more teams off my list. What list, you ask? Why, my 2006 resolution to strike up a fight with a fan from every baseball team in the Majors. I told you all about it back in December.

So, as the title suggests, I’ve been slacking a bit in this area. I didn’t even meet and pick on any Phillies fans when I was IN THEIR STADIUM a few weeks ago. But that isn’t what concerns me (I’ve got five months left in the season!); Here’s what does. First of all, all seven of my fights have been with men. This stinks (as if I wasn’t annoyed ENOUGH with myself for missing a chance to meet Red Hot Mama! DAMMIT DAMMIT! If I hadn’t gotten to hang out with bellyscratcher and her cronies, I would really have gone over the bend by now). I’m going to have to seek out some smart female fans to debate with as I continue the quest.

Second of all: I still have to figure out how to argue with teams about whom I have little-to-no knowledge. Generally, I have to resort to pretty low tactics. Last night, I battled with a willful Blue Jays fan, and the argument quickly degenerated into a USA vs. Canada argument. Which I lost, by the way.

People: apparently Canadians are far more knowledgeable about our state capitals than you’d think. So if you’re ever involved in a “Canadian names the State Capitals/American Names the Province Capitals” contest: STUDY UP. As if we need to give Canadians any more evidence about our American idiocy.